Is bipolar disorder a precursor to a spiritual awakening?

sufferingThe idea that bipolar disorder is somehow linked to spirituality is an extremely fascinating topic to me. If you or someone you know has experienced manic-depressive episodes, you may be aware of certain spiritual themes that frequently occur with this disorder. It is not uncommon for people diagnosed with bipolar disorder to report times when they felt pure bliss or a divine connection to everything. Some say they received messages from God or that they were God. Some also say they received visions and had a sudden influx of creative ideas. There is often a feeling of power and confidence that accompanies a manic episode. To someone with an average/limited level of consciousness, these experiences are indications that someone has “gone crazy” or has “lost touch with reality.” Someone with expanded consciousness, though, recognizes that these experiences have a spiritual undertone, which may indicate that bipolar disorder is so much more significant than just mental illness.

I’m glad to find that other people are noticing the potential link between bipolar disorder and spirituality and that they are discussing their experiences with this “illness” because it may help us discover a better explanation for why it is happening to more and more people. Of all mental disorders, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are typically considered the most severe, yet traditional medicine has failed to explain exactly what causes these disorders and why some people suffer while many others don’t. Of all mental disorders, I think bipolar disorder and schizophrenia have the most potential to lead to spiritual experiences, so I’m not sure that I agree with the Western approach of medicating and suppressing whatever emotions, thoughts, and sensations that these patients are experiencing. Suppressing what these people are feeling might be a suppression of the spiritual path that these people were meant to follow.

In some cultures, mental illness is not seen as a problem or defect in the person who is experiencing unusual symptoms. In this article What a Shaman Sees in a Mental Hospital, Dr. Malidoma Somé explains that in his culture, mental illness signals a spiritual crisis and “the birth of a healer.” When someone is suffering, people in the community assist that person through shamanic rituals. Of course in Western culture, everyone is expected to fit neatly into the norm, and anyone who steps away from the norm gets labeled as unstable, ill, and/or insane. The unusual symptoms and thought patterns displayed by the “unstable” person are viewed as a problem that need to be eradicated as quickly as possible. There is usually a lack of guidance and support to allow the person to navigate through the process naturally. Instead of becoming a healer, the person is expected to become a lifelong patient with no hope of recovery or healing. It is a depressing view of mental illness that limits our potential, and I think that view has become very outdated.

I have a history with bipolar disorder and was stuck for years in that limiting mindset where I viewed myself as a lifelong sufferer of the illness. My experience with manic-depressive episodes began when I was 17, and I coped with it for three years without medication. I’m not sure exactly what triggered my first episode, but I recall drinking energy drinks around the time it occurred. You might be thinking caffeine is too weak to trigger a manic episode, but I’m pretty sensitive to it and have avoided caffeinated beverages for several years now. My first episode wasn’t too intense. I just felt significantly more energetic, lighter, and more social than normal. My behavior and demeanor had shifted enough for a couple of friends to notice that I seemed different. The positive, hypomanic feelings lasted only a couple days, which was followed by a horrible crash that prevented me from getting out of bed and going to school. It was hard to explain it to my mother, but I just knew I couldn’t face the world and function while feeling that low. Around that age, I was no stranger to depression. I started struggling with depression when I was 15, and the manic episodes didn’t start until I was 17.

My late teens were a rough time. I had no plans for my future because I remember coping with depression on a daily basis that sucked away my hope and aspirations. Then, after discovering that the few friends I had were users, the depression turned into deep resentment against the entire world. To protect myself, I turned into a hermit and spent approximately a year-and-a-half in solitude without anyone to turn to discuss what I was feeling. Most days, I felt very depressed and hopeless, but occasionally, a hypomanic episode would strike for a couple of days, which was always followed by a crash into suicidal depression. It took me a while to notice the pattern in my mood swings, but once I realized what was going on, I tried to deny the fact that I needed help. I had convinced myself that I had bipolar disorder, but I stubbornly wanted to overcome it by myself.

In the 3 years of dealing with bipolar disorder without medication, I found that each hypomanic episode was slightly different from the other. Some were relatively mild and only caused me to feel hyper and happy. Some were terribly uncomfortable due to the fact that I could not sit still or concentrate. One morning, I woke up to such rapidly racing thoughts that I literally thought I was losing my mind. I wanted to scream out of fear and frustration. A couple of manic episodes caused me to feel agitated, angry, and irritable. Those were definitely uncomfortable. There were some episodes that caused me to feel more creative than usual. Then there were those episodes that were very blissful and magical. Though my energy was extremely elevated, I could actually think very clearly during those episodes. My thoughts were extremely positive. I felt powerful, confident, and limitless. I felt love and compassion for everyone and everything. Though I wasn’t a spiritual person at the time, I felt like there was a greater meaning to everything and that everything was perfect as it is. There was so much inner peace and happiness within me that I remember feeling like absolutely nothing could bring me down. I also remember during one of the magical, blissful episodes, I felt a sexual energy stirring inside me that caused me to feel attracted to people I wouldn’t normally consider attractive. It was odd and unusual to feel all those things I didn’t normally feel, but it was also intensely pleasurable to feel bliss and inner peace on that level.

In the eyes of someone who is not spiritual or consciously awake, I probably appeared to be a very unstable person who was in desperate need of psychological help and medication. I’m not denying that I felt very unstable when I went through all that, and medication and therapy did in fact help me, but I think it’s important to investigate why there seems to be a spiritual quality to some of the manic episodes that people, like myself, have experienced. To be honest, I didn’t start noticing the spiritual undertone to some of my episodes until a few months ago when I read a quote by Adyashanti that says, “All is always well even when it seems unbelievably unwell.” I immediately remembered how that exact thought came to me during a manic episode when I was 20. The thought popped into my mind that no matter what is wrong on this planet or in the universe, it is all perfectly ok and serves some kind of greater purpose. There was no desire to fix or change anything because it seemed that everything would eventually balance itself. I knew that everything would ultimately be ok no matter what happened. Being in such a peaceful, accepting state of mind was far different from my normally anxious self that wants to fix things and make them better. To an awakened person, it might appear that my ego temporarily dissolved while I was in the manic state.

It is still difficult for me to understand why I experienced all those strange and unusual symptoms at that particular time in my life, but now that I have been having a true spiritual awakening for the past year, I wonder if maybe my mind, body, and soul were attempting to undergo a transformation years ago. Perhaps there was too much pain within me back then that needed to be released and healed, so it’s possible I wasn’t prepared yet for a fuller awakening. I wonder how many people have followed a similar path in which they had a full spiritual awakening after experiencing manic episodes. Is it possible that if someone has bipolar disorder, they are more likely than the average person to awaken?

I don’t personally know a ton of people who have struggled with bipolar disorder, but almost all the people I have met who’ve had bipolar disorder or bipolar tendencies were awakening or had so much potential to awaken. Well technically, everyone has the potential to awaken, but some of the people with bipolar disorder whom I’ve known appeared so close to it. While I was an intern at a mental health clinic, one of the clients I worked with had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and almost every single time I saw her, she said she was having a spiritual awakening. My boyfriend, who helped awaken me to all the major conspiracy theories a couple years ago, dealt with a mild version of bipolar disorder in his teen years. The person who educated me about factory farms and encouraged me to become a vegetarian had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One of my online friends whom I refer to as my soul sister is following the spiritual path and was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder. A friend who was a former atheist eventually became very religious after experiencing severe manic episodes. There certainly seems to be some kind of pattern here between bipolar disorder and expanding levels of consciousness.

What is the link, though? The traditional explanation in the field of psychology says that a difficult childhood can contribute to the development of bipolar disorder. Many people in the spiritual circle say that pain and suffering can lead to spiritual awakening. Does the pain and struggle of dealing with bipolar disorder lead to an awakening, or is bipolar disorder really just a sign of unresolved pain that causes our soul to awaken so we can heal ourselves? Maybe both are possible. In the past couple decades, why has there been a staggering increase in the number of adults and children who’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? It’s likely that the pharmaceutical industry is a major culprit here in misdiagnosing people so they can sell more and more prescription drugs, but it’s possible that there really are more people suffering with this disorder in recent times. If that’s the case, are bipolar symptoms a sign that humans are trying to evolve? Is it a sign that there is something horribly unbalanced about our lives today? There is an idea that our internal world and the external world are direct reflections of each other. If more people are feeling emotionally unbalanced inside, maybe we can assume that there is something horribly unbalanced about our lives and the world we live in today. These are all just ideas to consider to bring us to a closer understanding of the nature and origin of bipolar disorder. There are plenty more ideas to consider, and I’d love to hear any theories you might have created about why bipolar disorder exists and why manic episodes seem like spiritual experiences in some cases.

Here is an interesting perspective from Sean Blackwell about how bipolar disorder is linked to consciousness:

Although it can be very difficult and confusing for someone to swing so high into euphoria and then so low into depression, maybe there is eventually a pay-off if the person is able to work through it and heal themselves. I took medication for 7 years and saw a therapist between 3 to 4 years, but I’ve been going with a natural approach for 7 months now with no sign of relapse into a manic episode. I think healing is possible, but it may not be an easy, quick fix for everyone who has ever dealt with manic episodes. If you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or any other mental disorder, I encourage you not to view yourself as a lifelong sufferer. Make positive lifestyle changes, obtain social support so you can discuss your feelings with someone, heal old wounds, and focus on loving yourself more and more each day. In a future post, I plan to share what helped me overcome the manic-depressive episodes that were wreaking havoc in my life because I feel like that’s an equally important topic to discuss.

I would really appreciate your comments about personal experiences or thoughts related to bipolar disorder since I’m attempting to come to a greater understanding about the link between mental illness and spirituality.

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11 thoughts on “Is bipolar disorder a precursor to a spiritual awakening?

  1. Thanks for sharing your story so openly.
    I don’t know whether there is a link between bipolar disorder and awakening. But a book comes to my mind which you might find interesting.
    Your Soul’s Gift by Robert Schwartz contains stories about pre-incarnation planning of our life’s challenges. And one of the stories is about a woman with mental illness and why she has planned this. The book contains interviews with psychic mediums who have access to the pre-incarnation planning dialogues. Fascinating stuff!
    Regardless of the type of challenge, the purpose is always to wake up to the fact that peace and joy are found inside of us.
    The chapter about the mental illness also contains tips about how to deal with this. I liked the book a lot and recommend it.

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    • Thanks for the book recommendation. I have a copy of “Your Soul’s Plan” and haven’t fully read it, but I recall him mentioning the value and purpose people have found through coping with mental illness in that book, as well. Now that I no longer suffer from intense mood swings, I’m kind of grateful for the experience because it has taught me to be empathetic and not to minimize people’s invisible pain. Of course everyone who deals with mental and emotional challenges does not have to follow the same path, but I think it’s often a catalyst for becoming a healer once we’ve learned how to heal ourselves.

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  2. Wow…I was researching bipolar n spiritual awakenings n came across yr blog…my 24 yr old son was diagnosed with bipolar polar n 2011…other than when he was in the hospital for a week during his first manic episode he has never taken medication…life has been tough for him but he always bounced back…n Dec of 2014 he got a dui…n I’m not sure what happened maybe all the pain he’s been through but he’s had a spiritual awakening….he still has some ups n downs but he’s become so much more happier n confident with himself…I can certainly relate to many of yr experiences and yes maybe bipolar really is a spirtual awakening…unfortunately medication alters yr chemicals to be who we r expected to b…believe me there where many times I wanted him on meds but he always rejected them n today I’m glad he’s not…I don’t focus on tomorrow anymore…my son had taught me to love the moment…

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    • Karen, I am so happy to read this! Thank you very much for taking the time to share your experience 🙂 The fact that many people who were diagnosed with bipolar disorder ended up having a spiritual awakening leads me to wonder if “mental disease” is more like an allergic reaction to this modern life that is no longer serving us well. Our warrior spirits are sick of the suffering that many people are experiencing these days, so maybe the episodes are like a wake-up call that our soul desires change. It’s great that your son avoided medication, especially for the sake of his health, and I absolutely love to hear that both you and your son have experienced a transformation by allowing things to unfold naturally. I wish you two the best on your spiritual journeys!

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  3. Hi,
    I just red your story, and it inspired me to write mine down also.
    I hope that this helps you in some way.
    And if you think there is something that might help me, don’t hesitate to let me know.

    I was always really bad at school. The only classes I managed to pass were art class and mathematics.
    My mother made me see a psychiatrist, who, after a few consultations, diagnosed me with ADHD. Since I didn’t believe in the existence of ADHD, I refused to take meds (at first I did take them but I looked at them like a bodybuilder looks at steroids).

    At the age of 18 I realized that there were periods were I was more sociable, and periods were I turned more to myself.
    My father was diagnosed with bipolar 1 ultra-rapid cycling (every male member of my dad’s family is Bipolar). I saws how extreme my dad’s mood swings were and because of that I didn’t link mine with bipolar disorder.

    When I was 19, my dad committed suicide, I didn’t feel any sort of anger or frustration towards him, but more a deep feeling of understanding. After that I lived in solitude for about a year (social contact to the bare minimum)
    It was only when a few of my friends were starting their own gym and asked me to join in, that I started feeling part of something again. Ever since I have been working out like a maniac (few manage to follow the pace). At around the same time I discovered Alan Watts, and realized that a lot of the ideas that I had were in line with what he was talking about.

    I couldn’t get enough of philosophy, after a while, I also gained interest in religion (I always thought I was an atheist). I found a lot of truth in buddhism at first, but later on any religion, they are all correct. I realized I never had any interest in religion because I confused the core values, the finger pointing, for the people holding on, and eventually trying to own this finger.
    Realizing this, eventually raised my conscienceness to a more evolved state, a state of emotional freedom in contrary to the higher majority who is living in an artificially created world based on emotional suppression.

    I have never looked at depressive episodes as in having a depressive episode, more as something completely natural, which I am experiencing at this particular moment, and is eventually going to make me a stronger person (note that these periods are filled with extremely negative thoughts some of them suicidal, so I am pretty sure a psychiatrist would say I am experiencing a depression)
    The manic episodes which I also wouldn’t define as manic episodes I then use to gain certain insights and skills, that will eventually help me reaching a state of peace or enlightenment.

    I started seeing the psychiatrist who initially diagnosed me with ADHD again. Because I felt like I didn’t really have anybody to which I can speak freely about this, without them feeling insulted.
    I made it clear that I am not planning on taking any medication because I don’t believe there is anything wrong with me or any other person “suffering” from bipolar disorder.
    Things will only turn black when you define the experience you are having as unnatural (this is based on what I’ve experienced with my father). For that I do not suffer bipolar disorder, instead I am on a journey with a destination unknown, but as long as I have peace with not knowing I will be oké.

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    • Hi Mattis,

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience here! I apologize for not replying until now since I have not made many visits to my blog lately.
      First of all, I’m really glad to hear you have been handling everything well, without the use of prescription drugs. The resistance and distrust many people hold towards psychiatrists and psychotropic meds is totally understandable in my eyes. There are several other solutions and ways of handling these issues.
      I like your approach of avoiding labels and agree that it can be immensely helpful for people to enter more into a state of acceptance, rather than resistance, of whatever mood state they are experiencing. But on the other hand, sometimes I think there is an underlying health concern, like hormonal or nutritional imbalances, that interferes with the functioning of one’s brain. If constant mood shifts are preventing someone from taking care of their responsibilities and being able to live the life they desire, then I would encourage that person to seek solutions, possibly through holistic nutrition & orthomolecular medicine. When the body is nourished well with the proper amount of nutrients, the brain can function optimally, as well. Some people think nutrition is too simple of a solution, but there are too many success stories of people who have eliminated mental health conditions, like schizophrenia, depression, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, to ignore nutrition and supplementation as a potential solution.
      As long as you are not resisting the ups and downs, it seems that you will continue managing things just fine. But if you ever get the sense that something might be a little unbalanced about your health and diet, try looking into potential nutritional deficiencies. They’re becoming more and more common due to nutrient-depleted soil and increasing amounts of exposure to chemical additives and pollutants that further deprive our body of nutrients.
      I wish you well with your health and your spiritual journey 🙂 Thank you again for offering your perspective. I think it could be really helpful to someone who is currently feeling confused and frustrated about how to handle the unpredictability of their alternating mood states.

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  4. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it, you will be a great author.I will always bookmark your blog and definitely will come back sometime soon. I want to encourage one to
    continue your great writing, have a nice weekend!

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  5. This is an extremely valid train of thought you are on. Me, personally, I believe the greater the emotional pain, trauma and suffering, the greater the swings, the storm, the suffering leading to salvation. The wounded soul must go that much deeper, to that many more extremes to reach and understand the sheer breadth of the pain, trauma, suffering.. And TRUTH. Add to that those that are dissociative naturally by trauma/PTSD training vs healthy spiritual growth and development, and it leaves the chakra energy system upside down in a completely disassociated reality for an ungrounded hallucinating, paranoid, unhappy, disfunctional individual.
    Just Jessica
    http://www.jessica-humphreys.com

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    • Hi Jessica,

      Thanks for sharing your insight! Everything you said makes sense. I definitely see how going to one extreme can eventually take you to the other extreme. It’s like the idea that you must know the darkness before you experience the light. Or the idea that we may never discover our power and freedom until after we’ve been heavily controlled and oppressed. If someone always has pretty average, mediocre experiences in life, they might never reach the depths of anything. It’s the ones who dig deep into darkness who may discover far more than they ever could had they never witnessed any significant discomfort in their life. I’m not saying most of us should actively seek to experience extreme pain and suffering, but denying/avoiding pain and trying to play it safe through life will probably keep a lot of people in a safe zone where significant growth never occurs.

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