Are you an anomaly attracting anomalies?


Have you ever wondered why some people, the ones who are usually perceived as outsiders, weirdos, and misfits by society, seem to attract unexplainable phenomena, like supernatural or paranormal activity, visions, synchronicities, and mystical experiences? These are usually the people who have always been noticeably different from the crowd, either because of their personality, their opinions and perceptions, their interests and preferences, or something that is simply indescribable about the vibe they are putting out that feels unique or mysterious. It might be that they have a highly sensitive personality, they possess a higher than average level of intuition or empathy, they often think outside the box, they are highly intelligent and creative, or for some other reason, they have never been able to fit in no matter how hard they have tried. Maybe you even relate to some of that, which I’m guessing is more than likely since the average person usually is not interested in reading a blog post like this about spiritual awakening and metaphysical phenomena.

There was a video I saw a while ago about synchronicities that triggered a multitude of thoughts about the paranormal and synchronistic experiences that some of us have witnessed throughout our lives. In the video, the narrator referred to synchronicities as improbabilities and anomalies. He suggested that the more of an anomaly you are due to the quality of your consciousness or because of an improbable path you have taken in life, the more anomalies you will experience in your life. Essentially, as he said, an improbability begets more improbabilities.

Experiencing a spontaneous spiritual awakening and embracing it surely puts one in the category of being an anomaly. Some people suggest that there are more people waking up now than ever before, but if you have been experiencing an awakening yourself, I am sure you will agree that it is difficult to find a lot of people around you who can relate and understand. If you are experiencing an anomalous event, like a spiritual awakening, you are more likely to be an anomaly yourself.

Can you consider the possibility that if your thoughts and perceptions of reality often seem to be at odds with what most people think and perceive, this makes you an anomaly that almost does not belong among the sea of predictability within this reality? And the fact that because you’re a strange character with a less common perception of reality, at least compared to the majority, it is causing a disturbance to the quantum field, which is stirring up more anomalous events?

Of course it sounds arrogant for any of us to think of ourselves as an anomaly, as if we are more unique and special than others. In the big picture of acknowledging who we really are, we realize we are more than the limited perception of being an individual with a distinct personality. There is not really a “me” or a “you” as a separate entity that possesses anything, especially a personality since it is a mind-made construct that is frequently evolving. Anything that can change and evolve cannot be the essence of who you really are. But still, in the play of life, we perceive that there are all these separate entities in the world who are expressing themselves in different ways. The mind notices patterns of speech and behavior among these individuals and imagines that they each have a personality. Based on the specific tendencies we portray and exhibit, we may get perceived as being a bit of an oddball who does not conform with the mainstream expression of a normal human being.

The quality of consciousness appears to vary among individuals, with some people existing at a very limited degree of awareness, while others expand beyond what the human mind can interpret. Some people will remain at a limited level for their entire lifetime, while others will eventually begin waking up and shift into greater expansion. The human mind cannot know with certainty why awareness is playing out this fascinating game of contraction and expansion and why only certain individuals will experience spiritual expansion, but we can observe that awareness is experiencing an infinite number of possible perceptions of reality through each of us.

I recently read Colin Wilson’s The Outsider out of curiosity for what he proposed as a solution for coping with the sense of alienation and disillusionment that outsiders commonly experience. His conclusion, interestingly but not surprising, was that the outsider’s dilemma will be resolved through spirituality and self-realization. For some outsiders, that solution comes to us spontaneously through grace. We don’t necessarily have to seek that solution on our own if it is meant to be part of our experience. Just being the anomaly will naturally attract the anomaly to you.

For whatever reason, it seems that some of us were programmed and destined to follow a more unconventional and unexpected path from the majority. Every time we have been going against the norm, doing something improbable, we have likely been increasing the chances of attracting more synchronicities and improbable experiences into our life as a result, even if we were not aware of it. For those of you who have experienced a spiritual awakening, maybe you can recall some of the improbable decisions you made prior to it that led you onto this improbable path.

I will finish this post with some wise words shared by the narrator in the video I mentioned earlier. “The more you act from your spiritual intelligence and true intuition, the less probable the path you walk, the more improbabilities will be found on that path…Synchronicities are a personal reminder that reality is something other than what we’re told it is.”

Here is the video if you are interested in hearing his theories:

Why We Feel More Sensitive and Empathic During a Spiritual Awakening


People often experience greater sensitivity to external energies during a spiritual awakening. The intensity of these energies can be quite unsettling to feel, especially when there is a lack of understanding about what is happening and why it is happening. Within the first two years of my spiritual awakening, I noticed much more sensitivity to energy in public places. I felt frustration not knowing how I might feel once I entered a crowded public place. I tried to spend as much time in secluded areas in nature to avoid feeling anything chaotic and overwhelming.

The wonderful news regarding this issue is that over time, the intensity gradually seems to decrease. It can take months or a few years, but most of us eventually adjust to the changes. The disorientation and confusion that feels overwhelming in the beginning is just a phase in the awakening process. In time, we come back to a more stable place internally that allows us to feel more grounded and to function better again in the world. It’s easy to get carried away with anxious thoughts about how long a certain problem will last or whether it will ever be possible to cope normally again, but it helps when we keep in mind that there are a lot of shifts that will happen during an awakening and that most of these shifts are going to be temporarily experienced.

For me, I still don’t like being in crowds, but it has been a while since I have felt truly overwhelmed by anything. Now whenever strange or uncomfortable sensations arise, they no longer feel so intense. It took around three or four years after awakening for me to feel more grounded and at ease. There was not anything specific I did that helped resolve this particular issue around sensitivity. I simply gave myself time to adjust.

A few months ago, I heard a great explanation from one of my favorite spiritual teachers about why we become more sensitive during an awakening. You can listen to the full discussion in the video below. To sum it up, Mooji explains that when a person begins to lose some attachment to their personal identity/the ego, their sense of self expands to others. This expansion opens them up to feel and perceive more of what’s going on beyond just their limited perspective inside the body. Basically, one of the consequences of losing your sense of self is that you may begin to experience more of what everyone else is feeling. You’re shifting out of a limited to a more global experience of reality. Of course this is not the “normal” way we have been conditioned to perceive and experience reality, so why wouldn’t we initially feel a little freaked out by this sudden change?

I agree with the advice Mooji shared in the video. When we feel anxiety or discomfort over some issue like heightened sensitivity, we don’t have to treat these experiences so dramatically. When we give too much attention to heightened sensitivity or any other “symptom” of awakening, we are giving it more power and importance than it deserves. We can choose to let these experiences and sensations come and go without trying to control and analyze everything, or we can become obsessed with it and create more stress and drama for ourselves. There is the choice to resist the changes and the new experiences or the choice to allow ourselves to flow with whatever arises and just patiently wait and see what we are being led to experience next. Heightened sensitivity doesn’t even have to be labeled as a good thing or a bad thing. It is what it is. Heightened sensitivity is just heightened sensitivity. Nothing else needs to be added to that statement.

Mooji discussing heightened sensitivity:


Getting to the Root of Fatigue through Mineral Analysis

htma 4I have written about chronic fatigue on this blog before, and the blog post I wrote in 2017 titled Intense Fatigue & Identity Loss has been one of the most frequently viewed on here. It is apparent that quite a few of you are also looking for answers and explanations for mysterious health symptoms, some of which can accompany a spiritual awakening.

In this post, I am going to share a potential solution that I discovered and began implementing earlier this year. If you struggle with fatigue and have not seen much improvement over time, try to keep an open mind as you read this. This strategy I am going to share may or may not provide answers for you, but most things are at least worth a shot when we are desperate to regain our health, right?

If you are curious about my past experiences and the symptoms I have had during the past 5-6 years, I have shared some details about what happened to me in the next section in this blog post. Feel free to skip the next section, though, if you just want to hear about the approach I am currently taking and whether or not it has helped me.

My Experiences & Symptoms

In the spring of 2013, approximately a year before my spiritual awakening began, I was already beginning to see the first signs of burnout from stress. I was initially alarmed when I noticed splinter hemorrhages under my fingernails along with muscle spasms/twitching in my fingers, which began occurring daily and sometimes lasted for hours at a time. I quickly discovered these were obvious signs of magnesium deficiency.

I continued enduring more stressful events, including the unexpected death of my brother in January of 2014. By then, I felt exhausted, burned out, and frazzled. My digestion had significantly slowed down, and my skin had become dry and flaky, which I thought was probably related to a hormonal imbalance. I was nearly finished with grad school and ready for a break to de-stress. I assumed a couple months of rest and relaxation after graduation would solve everything. About two weeks before graduating in the spring of 2014, my spontaneous spiritual awakening occurred, which I didn’t initially perceive as stressful or challenging. But this began to change as I suddenly had a lot of time after grad school to sit and question everything about my life and life, in general.

Rather than getting better, my health got worse with the appearance of new symptoms. I realized how awfully tired I was now that I no longer had the adrenaline from stress to keep me moving. I had nothing but time to rest, yet my body suddenly would not allow me to stay asleep for more than 3-4 hours at a time. It was clear that my blood sugar had become imbalanced, too, because for the next two years, I had to nap after eating meals. I went through a phase of feeling tired but wired that gradually shifted into just plain tired. Although I never bothered with getting tested for it, I started researching adrenal fatigue when a naturopath indicated that I had a lot of the symptoms of it towards the end of 2014.

In 2016, I began to notice increased sensitivity to heat when I fainted while sitting alone at a park one day, and it nearly happened again later that year, possibly due to low blood pressure that probably fell too low when exposed to heat. (I still sometimes feel dizzy, lightheaded, and nauseated when I take hot showers or sit outside during hot days in the summer.) The typical symptoms of magnesium deficiency, like twitching muscles, chest pain, and heart palpitations continued to linger, despite all the supplements I was taking.

During all those years of trying to overcome burnout and fatigue, I experimented with too many vitamins and supplements to name, adaptogenic herbs, different diets, and various natural and alternative remedies. Sometimes physical exercise gave me a mild, temporary boost of energy. Other times, I immediately needed a nap after mild exertion. There was nothing I tried that really seemed to help in a clear and obvious way. Any improvements I saw in my health came very subtly and gradually.

The Solution I Recently Discovered

Earlier in January of this year, I continued with my experimentation with supplements, and this time I decided to start taking a tiny two milligrams of copper. Within about three days of taking copper, my tummy was very upset. This was odd to me. Even after I stopped taking copper, for about two more weeks, I had stomach cramps after every meal. This was confusing because I thought I had several symptoms of copper deficiency, including a lot of gray hair that I started seeing when I was only 15, yet my body had a toxicity reaction to the supplement.

My body’s puzzling reaction to copper got me curious about this specific mineral, so I read more in depth about copper toxicity versus copper deficiency, which eventually led me to the topics of hair tissue mineral analysis (HTMA) and the science of mineral balancing based on the research of Dr. Paul Eck. Dr. Eck spent years researching and studying the functions and properties of essential minerals and their interactions with each other, and he was especially curious about copper. I finally felt like I hit the goldmine when I began reading about copper dysregulation, which is when both copper deficiency and copper toxicity occur simultaneously in the body. This issue seemed to explain so much about my health history.

In March of this year, I ordered my first HTMA from Trace Elements. HTMA is a hair test used to measure levels of essential minerals and heavy metals. For two weeks, I anxiously awaited my results because I truly hoped I would receive some kind of answer that could help explain the mysterious symptoms and the insignificant amount of progress I was making. Not only was I tired, I was tired of being confused without any clear answers.

Thankfully, my HTMA test results did, in fact, reveal some helpful pieces to the puzzle. Here is a summary of the issues that were revealed based on my levels and ratios of the minerals and heavy metals that were measured:

  • the “four lows pattern” (all four macrominerals (calcium, magnesium, sodium, and potassium) were significantly below ideal levels)
  • low adrenal and thyroid function
  • copper dysregulation
  • severe sympathetic dominance
  • slow oxidation
  • mild anemia
  • poor eliminator of several heavy metals

Listed below are some of the minerals that were measured, with a side-by-side comparison of my levels versus the ideal levels seen in normal/healthy individuals. Keep in mind that interpreting HTMA results is more than just seeing whether a mineral level is too high or too low. It is equally important to pay attention to the ratios, such as the sodium to potassium ratio, which relates to stress, vitality, and inflammation, or the calcium to potassium ratio, which is considered an indicator of thyroid function.

(All values are in mg%)
Calcium = 25, ideal is 40
Magnesium = 3.4, ideal is 6
Sodium = 7, ideal is 25
Potassium = 1, ideal is 10
Copper = 0.7, ideal is 2.5
Zinc = 15, ideal is 20

The written report I received with my HTMA results indicated some of my issues, and others were pointed out to me by my HTMA practitioner and Dr. Lawrence Wilson. Dr. Wilson shares a lot of information about minerals, heavy metals, and the nutritional balancing program on his website. If you choose a practitioner from Dr. Wilson’s list of approved helpers, you will receive an interpretation of your results along with a customized nutritional balancing treatment plan created by both Dr. Wilson and your HTMA practitioner.

The great thing about HTMA is that you can order the test online and submit your hair sample through the mail without having to get a doctor involved at any point in the process. And if you want assistance from an approved HTMA practitioner, many of them offer their services through the phone or internet.

My Opinion of HTMA and the Nutritional Balancing Program

As I mentioned before, my HTMA results helped explain past and current symptoms, which was a relief in itself. I finally understood why my previous strategies to increase energy were likely going to remain ineffective as long as my body was stuck in the four lows pattern.  The four lows pattern requires a unique approach, and it can take some time to emerge out of it, but Dr. Wilson has reported that people in the four lows see positive results when they stick with the nutritional balancing program.

From my observation, many doctors, including alternative practitioners like naturopaths, don’t acknowledge or truly understand the profound impact that minerals play in the quality of our health. I feel like vitamins often get more attention than minerals. If we follow the general advice of increasing our vitamin B, C, and D intake or take a few minerals, like magnesium and iron, without understanding our specific imbalances, we may not see much improvement over time. Once we figure out what our imbalances are through an HTMA test, we may be guided in a different direction that will address our specific issues.

I have not been extremely diligent with following the treatment program ever since I started following it this past summer, but what I have noticed so far is less insomnia, fewer heart palpitations and muscle twitches, improved digestion, and more days where I don’t feel quite as drowsy or drained. There haven’t been extremely dramatic improvements yet, but I’m hopeful considering the positive changes I’ve begun to see. I realize it will take more than a few months to address all these imbalances.

In addition to taking the supplements that my HTMA practitioner recommended, I have also been drinking about 300-400 mg of liquid ionic magnesium mixed with pink salt in water daily for around six months. It seems that the magnesium supplements I took in the past were not enough to resolve my deficiency, but switching to the ionic form recommended by Dr. Carolyn Dean, author of The Magnesium Miracle, might be what my body needs to help address this particular deficiency. (Ionic magnesium is not part of the nutritional balancing program. I am doing this temporarily to boost my magnesium level.)

I plan to order my second hair test in a few weeks to track my progress and to see if anything in my treatment plan needs to be modified. I may find that I need to follow the program more closely if there is little to no change in the updated HTMA results. Until then, I plan to stay focused on getting my calcium and magnesium up to normal levels. I will write more blog posts about my experiences with HTMA and the nutritional balancing program in the future to let you all know if it ultimately works for me or not.

Based on my experience with it so far, I believe HTMA is an extremely valuable tool for detecting underlying imbalances that can contribute to health issues. If you have issues with fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, hormonal imbalances (especially adrenal and thyroid disorders), mood swings, brain fog, joint pain, depression, poor memory, headaches, blood sugar imbalance, or just about any chronic health issue that you have not been able to resolve, I would consider it worth getting a hair test. Please note, the only two labs that Dr. Wilson recommends are Analytical Research Labs (ARL) and Trace Elements Inc. (TEI) because they do not wash the hair sample at the lab, which is essential for receiving the most accurate results.

I also feel that I should mention that HTMA is not necessarily meant to diagnose health conditions. The ratios can point towards problems you are likely experiencing, but diagnosing health problems is not essential for the nutritional balancing program to work. The real point of HTMA is to find out which minerals are imbalanced. As you resolve those mineral imbalances through diet, supplements, lifestyle, etc., symptoms should start to go away because you are bringing the whole body back into balance.

If you are curious about anything here, feel free to ask me questions in the comments section. I am not extremely knowledgeable on HTMA, but I would love to share what I have learned if it could possibly help.

Additional Resources

1. Energy: How it affects your emotions, your level of achievement, and your entire well-being by Colin Chatsworth, Loren Chatsworth, and Paul Eck
Highly recommend reading this book if you’ve struggled with chronic fatigue and burnout! This was such an enlightening read and extremely validating, too. You can begin to understand some of the important mineral interactions and ratios after reading this, which will help with interpreting HTMA results.

2. The Magnesium Miracle by Carolyn Dean
Another extremely informative book in which Dr. Dean discusses a wide range of research and anecdotal evidence about magnesium that proves how this simple but essential mineral is key to maintaining good health.

3. Why Am I Always So Tired?: Discover How Correcting Your Body’s Copper Imbalance Can… by Ann Louise Gittleman
Still have not read this one, but it looks like a great resource if you want to learn more about copper imbalance and all the issues that can arise if you are affected by it.

4. Video: Wendy Myers interviews Morley Robbins to discuss copper dysregulation:

5. Info on copper toxicity/imbalance:
The section about the copper personality was especially fascinating to me because many of those traits apply to me and several women I’ve known who have similar personalities and identical health problems. I wonder if there is a tendency for highly sensitive people to have a copper imbalance.

6. More on copper toxicity:

7. Biography of Dr. Paul Eck and his research on minerals:

8. Dr. Lawrence Wilson’s free nutritional balancing program:
This is the general program that will be customized once you get your HTMA results interpreted by Dr. Wilson and an HTMA practitioner. As Dr. Wilson mentions on his website, you can try the free program without ordering an HTMA, but you may not make as much progress if you do not know which imbalances you have that need to be addressed.

Spiritual Awakening: Intense Fatigue & Identity Loss

I recently received a comment on an older blog post from someone who was seeking feedback on how to cope with the fatigue and loss of identity that occurs after a spiritual awakening. I think there are a lot more people who are experiencing these symptoms than we realize, so it seemed like now would be an appropriate time for a new blog post about these symptoms so that people can receive some validation for their challenges.

(***Update 10/1/2019: Check out this new blog post about my recent strategy for tackling chronic fatigue: Getting to the Root of Fatigue)

Of course each person’s awakening experience is unique, but there are certain patterns that frequently occur. A common experience is that someone will feel like they are progressing through life on a steady course. They have goals, desires, and dreams, yet they remain unconscious of how much society, culture, media, their family, and their peer group have influenced the decisions they’ve been making their entire life. They’ve built up an identity based on all this programming from external sources. Their main concern is with material, physical, worldly pursuits, and they are highly attached to their false identity, a.k.a. the conditioned ego. Then a particular event occurs in their life that causes the ego to crack open and eventually fall apart. Whether it’s a mystical experience, a near-death experience, the death of a loved one, job loss, or a debilitating illness, something significant happens that causes the person to question their purpose, their role, their identity, and maybe even the meaning of existence.

When the ego cracks open, that’s when things usually turn messy. There is suddenly so much uncertainty about everything. You may suddenly be asking yourself, “Who am I? What am I supposed to do now? What are we all doing here? Where do we go once these physical bodies cease to function? Do I have free will? What created all of this? Why do people suffer? How do I make sense of this complicated mess called life? How can I function and maintain an identity now that everything seems like an illusion? How do I move forward and strive towards achieving goals, like I used to, now that everything suddenly seems so meaningless?” As awkward and uncomfortable as it feels to start questioning everything, it is a clear sign that you are evolving and trying to come back into alignment with truth. The process of deprogramming has begun.

If you have spent the majority of your life thinking of yourself one way, and now that old sense of self is falling apart, it’s no surprise that you feel pain and confusion. Your foundation has suddenly been knocked down, causing you to feel unstable and without a sense of belonging. You may feel fearful and insecure about your ability to go back to living an ordinary existence like everyone else. Your perspective on everything may be changing so rapidly that it’s hard to adjust and remain grounded in physical reality. At this point, people often get so desperate to return to the sense of control they felt when the ego was in charge that they will attempt to return to their old life or build a new identity. The problem is, rebuilding an identity will no longer work in the way it used to. The reason it will feel like you’re chasing after a prize that doesn’t exist is because an identity truly does not exist. You know now that creating identities is a silly game that people play. Most people are completely tricked by the illusion of having an identity, but you have become disillusioned by now. The illusion that your ego is who you are has been shattered.

When you suffer, it is because the illusory ego is desperately grasping and aching to regain the dominant position, but those days are over now that you have expanded your awareness. Once you’ve expanded your awareness, you cannot contract it and pretend not to know what you now know. You can try to go into denial, but it won’t work. You won’t obtain real, lasting inner peace and fulfillment by going down that path. Going back to what was familiar is likely to feel like a horrible fit for your new expanded awareness. It will feel so wrong to go back to the way you were. Maybe you can’t get any sense of direction about where you’re heading, but you know waking up has forever changed the course of your life.

Losing your sense of self can be very strange and painful. This experience can sometimes lead to the dark night of the soul. The dark night can last anywhere from a few weeks to several years. Some say their dark night lasted for decades. I find it hard to give specific advice on how to get out of a dark night because, for one, I am still dealing with some of these challenges. I also think what works for some may not work for all. Even if I could predict a solution that would work for you, now may not be the best time to apply that solution. Awakening is a mysterious process, and no one can say with any certainty why some of us are going through this. It’s unfolding differently for each person, and in order to feel some sanity in all of this, I recommend that you try to be at peace with where you are instead of letting others advise you on what to do, unless their message really resonates with you.

My recommendation is to remain patient. Let the process unfold. Keep learning. Keep expanding. Keep going within. Keep trusting your intuition and truth. See where this journey takes you. It might take you further into emptiness, confusion, panic, exhaustion, or isolation for a while longer, but maybe this challenging phase will serve its purpose in the end. When you feel inspired to act on something, then act, but it is best to avoid rushing ahead of the process and forcing things to happen out of fear or impatience. If you want to rest and withdraw most of the time, do what is necessary for your survival and then rest. If you want to read an endless amount of books and articles on spiritual topics to absorb as much knowledge as possible, then read. If you want to spend hours meditating, meditate. If you want to do nothing, do nothing. Try to stop putting judgments on what you think you should be doing right now. This is your path. No one has the answers for your life’s journey.

When you think about how hard it is to function, to socialize, or to stay grounded in reality, remind yourself that you are actually ok right now. It might feel like your world has fallen apart, but you are where you are right now. Remind yourself that you are being brave by diving completely into the process. It is no easy feat to drop your old life and begin navigating your way through so much uncertainty.

I have one last thing to say about the ego. I think on some level, we need to have some form of identity in order to function in the 3D world, but a spiritual awakening causes us to lose the attachment to ego. When you play the silly game of creating identities, instead of deriving so much pleasure from it, you know you’re just playing a game. You know an identity is a false, temporal creation that can change from day to day or hour to hour or even minute to minute. The awareness that you are is much bigger than any label. I do not believe words can capture the totality of who we are and what all of this is.

Now, moving on to the other common symptom–chronic fatigue. As you lose your sense of purpose and are no longer able to derive any meaning about life, it can erase most or possibly all of your former passions, which can feel a lot like depression. Feeling confused and lacking inspiration will pull down your energy. Another theory of why fatigue occurs after awakening is because when the kundalini energy suddenly comes through the body, it can be too intense and burn out your endocrine/hormonal system. The thyroid and adrenal glands are most affected. It’s a good idea to research adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism to get an idea of whether you might be suffering from hormonal imbalances. Also, perhaps you have always been a highly sensitive person (HSPs seem to be more in touch spiritually compared to the average person), and being more sensitive means you are less resilient at coping with stress, making you more prone to suffering from stress-related ailments that cause fatigue.

Potential solutions for fatigue are to get more rest, reduce stressful experiences while increasing pleasurable ones, connect with like-minded and supportive people, practice meditation and other relaxation techniques, engage in light to moderate exercise, eat nutrient dense foods, resolve nutrient deficiencies, experiment with supplements and herbs, find outlets for creativity and expression, make time for self-care, and avoid having expectations of when you hope to recover. Though it is no longer as intense or quite as debilitating, fatigue and low motivation are still issues for me. I try to be ok with the fact that this is still part of my reality. I’m not saying you should give up and surrender to the idea of being exhausted or unmotivated for the rest of your life. Life just flows easier when you can be proactive and consistently put in effort, yet you’re also allowing your body to heal at its own pace. Expectations create too much stress that you don’t need when you already feel worn-out.

I know how hard it is to be patient when fatigue becomes an everyday experience. I’m sorry to say that the awakening experience is not just about feeling peace, connection, and bliss all the time. If you are a real truth seeker and are willing to confront the darkness that exists within yourself and out in the world, it can get really messy and uncomfortable. The fatigue and low motivation are forcing us to stop participating in the external world. It’s allowing us to look within ourselves deeply enough to reach new levels of awareness. We’ve been playing as actors in the physical world for long enough. Now perhaps is the time to slow down so we can learn, heal, and discover who we really are. We can use this time to get in touch with our more authentic self and listen to whatever messages it is trying to convey. It is time to follow our inner guidance and stop letting the voices all around us control the direction of our lives.

To the person who posted the comment related to identity loss and fatigue, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your difficulties with me. I hope all that I shared here helped in some kind of way, even if it only helped normalize what you have been feeling and thinking lately. Have faith that you will continue to be transformed in significant ways through your awakening experience. With time and patience, it becomes possible to feel less resistance to sitting with uncertainty.

To anyone who is dealing with a dark night of the soul, identity loss, or post-awakening fatigue, here are a few things I recommend that you explore:

The Awakening of Involution

The End of Your World by Adyashanti

Disillusionment as a Positive Process

Spiritual Awakening Symptom: Feeling Tired

Stages of a Spiritual Awakening: The Dark Night of the Soul

Dark Night of the Soul & How to Feel Better

7 Signs of the Dark Night of the Soul

Ram Dass – Dark Night of the Soul


Spiritual Awakening: Sensitivities Increasing


Anyone else on the spiritual path been finding it harder to be around crowds of people? This seems like a common symptom of spiritual awakening, but I wonder just how many people out there are trying to cope with this same challenge right now.

I began to notice almost exactly a year ago that being around a lot of strangers drove me a tad crazy. I would be stuck in traffic at a stoplight and feel like I was picking up on everyone’s insecurities, worries, and anxieties. It felt pretty suffocating. Other times, it triggered a sense of sadness within in thinking about how this is not the way people should be feeling on a daily basis. On one of my worst days, I was alone on the beach surrounded by lots of families and tourists who were on vacation. Instead of sensing joy or peace on this beautiful summer day, it seemed like many of the people around me were grouchy and miserable. The energy got so intense that I felt like either pulling my hair out or grabbing all my belongings and running a mile away from those people.

I frequently isolate myself from crowded areas, mostly because I’ve never been a fan of crowds. Prior to awakening, crowds were more like a nuisance. If I needed to go inside a store and saw the parking lot was filled with cars, I would possibly roll my eyes for a second but then carry on with business. I could go sit in a crowded bar with a friend and not be overly bothered by all the people, but I still preferred my alone time, especially in nature. It was my time to enjoy some silence and reflect.

But lately, I’ve begun to notice that crowds can stir up strange emotions in me. Recently I walked into a busy restaurant with my boyfriend to grab some lunch, and I immediately felt extremely uneasy and suffocated while standing in line. There was loud music and a high amount of energy in the room. I tried to tune out everything, but I felt like I was becoming emotional and needed to leave to avoid the awkwardness of ordering food with tears streaming down my face. I told my boyfriend that I needed to step out, so he followed me. My eyes were filling with tears before I could even sit down on the bench outside. I was as confused as my boyfriend was as to why I started to cry. I could not explain it, but I felt so much better once I got out of that environment. The old me might have felt slightly annoyed by all the noises and people, but I know I would have tolerated it just fine.

I’m finding that I have become overly sensitive to such a degree that I can no longer maintain my inner peace everywhere I go. The environment I’m in seems to make a difference. Some public places are fine, even if they are a little crowded. Others stir up all sorts of emotions that I can’t explain. My best comparison that describes how I feel when I enter one of those yucky environments is the icky feeling you would get if you stepped into a dark, murky lake. As soon as you put one foot in, you’re immediately ready to get the hell out because it’s so nasty and uncomfortable.

Lately, I feel so turned off by crowds that I want to get away from living in a city. Living in a small, rural area seems healthier and more tolerable at this point. I have become friends with a woman who has been experiencing issues extremely similar to mine, and she has also grown weary of this area where we live. She is very familiar with chronic fatigue and the inability to be among crowds of people. It makes me wonder if we are being affected to some degree by empath sickness since we are both so deeply affected by the pain and suffering of the world and the city where we live. She is greatly affected by the destruction of trees and the environment, while I feel so much frustration and sadness about the deterioration of human health and our food supply, along with the control systems being exerted onto us.

If you are an empath, I’m sure you know how burdensome it can be to feel more and be more conscious than the average person. Whatever issue bothers you most, it is far from easy to carry the burden of knowing what is happening and caring so much about it while so many others prefer to stay in denial of our problems. This is from an article titled “Physical Symptoms of an Empath“:

The biggest problem is that the Earth is sick and in pain, and under a constant barrage of attack and torture. Those who harm the Earth do not feel her pain, but people with empathic ability bear the burden of being overly sensitive in an insensitive world, and therefore have a hard time living here. You cannot cut off from your feelings, nor can you armor yourself against them, because numbness is not healing and does not make things better (even if it seems blissfully tempting). The physical symptoms of an empath that you experience are a reminder that you are a healer, and that empathy is a healing gift. Receive the divine healing light from your Source above, let it nourish you, fill you and protect you, then send it out to all who need it, including the Earth. And remember to send love and gratitude to the Earth with each and every breath, because she needs it desperately.

Has anyone with sensitivities to energy and suffering found a solution? I don’t think isolation or fleeing from uncomfortable spaces should become a long-term coping strategy, and I don’t like the typical advice people offer about creating a shield around yourself to block energy. I don’t want to absorb yucky or heavy energies so that I become overwhelmed by them, but something tells me that trying to block out and numb myself to everything isn’t the best approach. The way I see it, we are sensitive for a reason. Maybe I will try the strategy mentioned in the article I quoted above the next time I find myself in an uncomfortable environment. If anyone has found a useful tool or strategy to manage energy sensitivity, please share your tips in the comments section. It would be greatly appreciated! Also, let me know how long this has been an issue for you if you can relate to my experiences.


Is a spiritual awakening a traumatic experience?

There aren’t many YouTubers I follow, but I’ve discovered a few authentic, beautiful souls on there in the past couple years whose messages have been comforting to me whenever I have felt lost or confused on the path of awakening. One of these lovely people is Kelli In The Raw. I came across one of her videos that I found especially helpful where she discussed the challenges that people face in the awakening process. She described the awakening process in a way that fit with the 5 stages of grief. She said awakening is “traumatic,” which I imagine might sound a little melodramatic to people who haven’t been through all the ups and downs and uncertainties that are usually part of the awakening process. It’s easy for others to trivialize our struggles as they remain in their comfort zone.

What I have noticed is that a lot of people like to talk about the bliss of awakening and keep their focus on the positive aspects of it, which is great, but that doesn’t help validate the many struggles that some of us go through during the awakening process. If your awakening experience has caused you to feel disoriented, confused, or overwhelmed, I encourage you to hear Kelli’s thoughts about waking up. Here is her video about the trauma of awakening:

As we try to embrace this shift, there is much to let go of, which can certainly lead to a sense of mourning for what used to be. We may decide it’s time to pursue new goals, to switch careers, to move to a new location, to end relationships that are no longer fulfilling, to experience existing relationships with family and old friends in a new way, to shed old beliefs, to drop your old identity, to step foot on an entirely different path, and to abandon practically everything that was familiar in order to embrace something entirely new, unexpected, and different. For some people, change is exciting. For others, it creates feelings of anxiety and/or sadness. It feels like we’re being forced to learn lessons about change and attachment since everything is getting yanked up by the roots.

For some people who are waking up, there is a strong sense of loneliness and isolation. As we are gaining a new perspective on life, it’s sometimes really difficult to be around people who can’t understand us anymore. We don’t want to talk about the same old things anymore, and yet the people we have known for so long are not going through an awakening yet, so they can’t relate to us and the thoughts we share. Even if you’re not resisting these inevitable changes that are occurring in your relationships, it’s normal to be sad that everything is changing so quickly and that you are losing these connections with people that used to be so important and enjoyable to you. You may know on an intellectual level that the ending of old relationships can create space for the beginning of new ones that are a better match for you, but I know firsthand how difficult it is to stay excited in that transition phase where the new connections have not been found yet.

There can also be pain and disappointment from feeling misunderstood. Maybe you’ve started behaving differently, thinking differently, or relating to people differently, and the people around you don’t really get it. You could be going through some difficult things internally, yet everyone around you assumes you are perfectly ok. While you’re struggling to cope and adapt, you might be blamed for not meeting whatever expectations certain people hold of you. I have been hurt by those who can only point out what I am doing wrong instead of taking a moment to ask me, “How are you doing lately? Is everything going ok?” There is already enough whirlwind of change going on inside that having the added stress of conflict in relationships just compounds these issues.

And perhaps some of you have tried to reach out to a friend or family member to tell them more about what you are experiencing because you feel quite alone and overwhelmed, yet they appear completely clueless about everything you just said. It’s painful when you were just hoping for a little validation or some level of understanding from someone. I experienced that a lot during the peak of a strange ego death phase I went through last year. I could have explained my thoughts and feelings in a million different ways, but if people have never been in such a place, they’re simply not going to understand it. There is a painful realization in the beginning that maybe you can’t really talk about these things with anyone you know. Sometimes opening up to people who can’t understand creates more loneliness than just keeping your thoughts and experiences to yourself.

The sense of isolation can increase when you’re going through a big transformation, and it appears that everyone around you remains unchanged and unconcerned with anything beyond their personal needs and desires. Maybe you are beginning to see beyond illusions and want to live a happier, more meaningful life that is focused on helping others in some way, yet your friends continue living their old lives and seem content with same old meaningless distractions that no longer satisfy you. You don’t want to focus anymore on fashion, sports, celebrity gossip, tv shows, video games, etc. Sometimes you might try to get others excited about your new interests that you find more meaningful, but they’ll act indifferent or critically to what you say. You don’t want to feel superior to these old friends, but you realize you’ve evolved to a new level and have lost the ability to relate with them.

It can sometimes be upsetting to see how people, in general, act indifferent to issues that you passionately feel are important to healing ourselves and the world. It can be discouraging when your message is continually ignored because many people prefer to remain in ignorance and not take action. Sometimes, you might have exciting goals or ideas to share but no one in your life to share them with. That’s when you realize how much you’ve outgrown old relationships and need to connect with new people who understand and support the new path you’ve chosen. Of course, you don’t have to drop all your old friendships, but you’ll probably notice a stagnant feeling arise if you keep attempting to live the same life you experienced prior to awakening.

You’ve probably noticed how the pain of stagnancy is often much more intense than the pain of growth and change. The last pain of awakening I want to mention here is that pain many of us feel inside when we hear our soul calling for us to do something different, something that is more aligned with our mission or true calling in life, but that old ego talk keeps us paralyzed by the fear that we will fail or that everything will fall apart if we travel on a new path. In the past, maybe you could successfully talk yourself out of following your dreams and passions because you could always justify it with excuses like, “That’s just not realistic for me” or “Maybe I’ll be able to get around to that someday, but I just don’t have enough time/money/resources to do such a thing right now.” After you’ve begun to awaken, it can start to feel like a part of you is dying when you turn your back on the powerful messages that your soul keeps trying to tell you. The excuses you’ve told yourself for so long no longer ease the pain of ignoring or avoiding what you know you need to do for your soul’s growth and expansion.

I think it’s helpful to remember that it’s a normal part of the awakening process to feel pain, sadness, anxiety, and confusion, especially in the beginning. Seeing yourself or the world in an entirely different light can be shocking. When you finally move past the shock and realize you need to let go of everything that’s no longer meant for you, there’s a chance you will experience depression at some point. If you stay patient and let things unfold naturally, you will eventually adjust, gain more clarity, and get closer to accepting the dramatic changes you’ve experienced. It’s a lot like the painful rebirthing process of the phoenix who dies by bursting into flames, and then it is reborn from the ashes. We need to burn away any of the old parts that don’t fit anymore so we can finally rise into our authentic selves.

There are risks you may fear at the idea of dropping your former life and your old identity, yet this decision could finally lead to more happiness, inner peace, and fulfillment. Or you could stay comfortable and keep settling for the safety and security of your old life where there will likely be an underlying hint of dissatisfaction, regret, and a longing for something more. You know when your soul is calling for change. Will you listen?



How to Handle Lightworker Burnout

This post is for those who resonate with lightworker traits. If you don’t like that label, this post is basically for anyone who cares deeply about others and wants to make some kind of positive impact in the world while they are here. I imagine most people understand what career burnout looks like, and people who call themselves lightworkers can experience something sort of similar where they become so frustrated and exhausted by the world’s suffering that they eventually lose their passion and their ability to function well within society. Not everyone will experience this, but I wanted to discuss it because I’ve experienced these burnout symptoms in the past couple years and imagine that others out there are struggling with it right now, too.

I think the most common reasons why lightworker burnout occurs is because people either become overly concerned about the suffering of humanity and become unsure of where to direct their focus, or they try to help too many people at once because they feel a sense of urgency to help. Whether it’s career burnout or lightworker burnout, if you try to take on too much at once, you’ll obviously burn out fast because you’re not here to help everyone or to save the world.

When I was reading about lightworker burnout, I came across some helpful advice by Doreen Virtue. This is what she had to say:

“Lightworker Burnout” occurs in sensitive, caring people who feel overwhelmed by all the world issues that need healing attention. You don’t need to heal everyone and everything, however. Even the angels specialize in a specific focus. So, choose one or two issues that call to your soul. Then pray for the courage and guidance to make a positive difference in those areas.

Due to the desire to help others and to seek the truth about what’s going on in the world, I’ve had a tendency to carry the world’s weight on my shoulders. In recent years, I have uncovered a lot of dark truths about this world. After I overcame the shock of learning these things, I felt a combination of anger and sadness. It is normal to respond that way, but it becomes unhelpful if we get stuck in those emotions for too long.

It’s important to be aware of a few things: 1) the truth about what’s happening here is not always pretty or comfortable to know, 2) corruption exists at various levels and within all major systems and institutions, and 3) the news perpetuates feelings of fear and helplessness. If you tune into a news station, there is usually a barrage of terrible stories being told while solutions are rarely discussed. We hear one bad story after another, and if we’re not careful, we’ll become paralyzed by the fear that something bad is always lurking around the corner.

To stay empowered, we need to find a way of staying informed enough to make smart decisions without falling victim to the fear-mongering tactics. Once you become aware of the motives and manipulations that the media carries out to keep us in a perpetual state of fear, you’ll probably want to watch less and less tv and seek other methods of staying informed. I prefer alternative news sources on the internet, but you have to be careful with those, too, because any journalist or truth seeker has the potential to develop a complete doom-and-gloom attitude that can begin to infect your mind and spirit if you don’t stay mindful of how it is affecting you. Also, I wish it wasn’t a reality we had to face, but some of the most popular “truth seekers” are shills who are encouraged to spread lies and perpetuate more fear.

If you’re a truth seeker like me, you might struggle to maintain your sanity while staying informed. That’s why it is so important to remain aware of your mental and emotional state. If you find that you keep getting pulled down the more that you learn about what’s happening in the world, perhaps it’s time to switch your focus to the positive things that are happening and find a way to become part of the solution. I would not encourage people to ignore the problems we’re facing because complete avoidance doesn’t solve anything, but worrying non-stop about problems isn’t productive, either.

Although I agree that many news sources focus too much on negativity and fear, one of the facts we ought to learn as adults is that we all have a choice in how emotionally invested we become in the stories we hear. We are each responsible for our level of awareness of what is happening, for the decisions we make, and for our mental and emotional state. Once you’ve learned how to discover the truth without becoming engulfed by fear, worry, or helplessness, you have empowered yourself. One way to do this is to focus on solutions to problems. If you hear about a problem and can’t think of anything you can do to improve the situation, just move on to another issue that can be solved instead of frantically running around in circles.


I think if we follow Doreen’s advice of narrowing our focus to one or two issues to help solve, it is possible to become change agents. Another point I would like to add is that instead of fighting against issues and ranting about how we need to stop this and stop that, it would be more beneficial to put our efforts into creating the new methods and systems that we want to see. In other words, instead of resisting the old, work toward creating something new. Help people see that there are alternatives by building them yourself.

I’ll sum all this up with a few more tips on how to serve others without burning yourself out in the process:

  1. Work on healing yourself before you try healing others. We can’t be of much service to anyone if we’re in poor shape ourselves. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect and free from all issues, but you need to maintain good health if you want to be effective and efficient at helping others. Take time to heal yourself first if that’s what is needed most right now.
  2. Strive for balance in all aspects of your life. Not only is it important to maintain the balance between staying informed and staying empowered, we also want to make sure we don’t spend so much time focused on a particular issue or cause that we ignore our own health and happiness. You deserve to have fun, pleasurable experiences. Your joy and happiness can serve as inspiration to others.
  3.  Know if your passion and purpose derive from your ego or your heart. If you feel motivated to help others, ask yourself why you want to do so. Sometimes we say we want to help others, but when we’re truly honest with ourselves about why, we uncover other motives, such as a desire to live up to others’ expectations or to feel important or worthy. Do your motives stem from unhealed wounds, or are you really feeling called to do these things?
  4. Know what raises your vibration and what lowers it. When we spend too much time around negative, toxic energies, we may end up suffering if we don’t know how to handle it. This is especially important to remember when it comes to following news stories and events occurring around the world. Be mindful of how much time is being spent listening to problems versus solutions. To work towards building solutions, we want to stay focused on what keeps us going in a positive direction instead of getting trapped and paralyzed by fear.
  5. Have patience and compassion towards those with lower levels of awareness or motivation. If you’re trying to help people who are not as knowledgeable or conscious as you are, it’s helpful not to rush the process or to get impatient with them if they are not ready to change or face certain truths. For example, if you’re trying to teach someone how to eat healthier and take better care of their body, help them find ways to take baby steps. You’ll drive yourself crazy if expect everyone to make dramatic changes across the span of a day, a week, or even a month. Do you typically make dramatic changes overnight? Remind yourself that each person grows and changes at their own pace.
  6. Be a guide instead of a people fixer. Most of us who have a strong desire to help probably have a deep desire to fix or rescue people, but that’s not the role we have to play. No one is perfect, so this idea of fixing someone is futile. A healthier, wiser approach would be to view ourselves as guides and teachers who are sharing our skills, talents, and knowledge to help others more easily maneuver their way down their path. We should avoid rescuing people from their problems so they can learn lessons and grow on their own. Instead of being rescuers, we can be like lighthouses guiding and assisting others through the darkness.
  7. A small victory can be a huge victory. It may not be possible to help every person we encounter, but all the small successes might eventually lead to something bigger. Once you’ve helped someone, they might be motivated to help others or begin spreading the information they’ve learned to their family and friends, which in turn could benefit someone they know. Keep in mind that every time you share your truth and teach others what you have learned, you might be planting the seed that will help someone grow.
  8. Accept that you won’t always succeed. Following your heart and your dreams sometimes requires you to step way outside the box. When you find the courage to step outside the box and do something different from what everyone else is doing, there is always the risk of failure. Some people might not understand what you’re doing. Others might intentionally target you and try to pull you down because your efforts are seen as a threat to the old, failing systems that they are trying to maintain for as long as they can. Don’t let the fear of failure or obstacles stop you from fulfilling your mission. When your intuition tells you you’re on the right path, keep going. You will learn and grow by taking these risks.

If you’ve been dealing with burnout lately, I hope some of the suggestions above will help you and inspire you to keep shining your light. For those who have experienced burnout, what do you think is the best way to cope with it?